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E58: Vulnerability - The New Advantage

Dec 12, 2018

I finally watched ‘A Star is Born’ and wow! Was I ever moved. I will admit, I did get teary eyed when she first gets on that stage. Now, I’m not going to give away anything but I will say that anyone that gets pushed a little or a LOT out of their comfort zone gets scared.

I got scared when I was going to put out this podcast. I’ve been a management consultant for way too many years, what did I know about podcasting? I didn’t have a background in broadcasting. I even had a few friends think I was weird but I didn’t care.

The reason why I didn’t care is because it was on my list of things that I was curious about and wanted to try.  Just like when I moved to England for a few years, it was always one of my dreams to live abroad so I could travel the world. There are certain things that I just need to do and try.

The reason, why I wanted to talk about this topic is because I have gotten a few emails and messages saying that I was brave and that they wished that they could get out of their own way and try something new. Thank for you reaching out, these messages really mean the world to me.

One listener, even told me that she felt like a walking zombie and on auto-pilot and she’s lost the ability to even dream or be curious about things. It just touched my heart. I’ve been there, in fact many of my close friends will remember when I basically disappeared into a cave because I was in auto-pilot, not even cruise control.

I was just working 24 hours a day, sleepless, traveling non-stop, and trying to make magic happen for clients and my company. I literally disappeared and became a shadow and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself. So, I totally get it.

Change is hard, taking the first step towards anything is even harder. We get scared, nervous. But I’m here to tell you that it fixable and changeable and our mind creates more barriers than needed.  

I think that’s why I’m addicted to Gordon Ramsey’s cooking shows. From Hell’s Kitchen to Masterchef. I absolutely LOVE LOVE his shows. Not because I have a passion for cooking, to be fair, I am a foodie and I do have a passion for eating! LOL

However, these home chefs come into a kitchen and get pushed to the limits. They may have a certain spice rack that they are used to using or they are really an amazing baker but they all get forced to try something new. Some fail because they can’t (actually… won’t ) make the leap to get out of their comfort zone. They are busy playing it safe to chase the money, instead of chasing the culinary adventure. See? I’ve watched way too many episodes.  

 

Let our culinary adventure begin! Well, I have a few goodies to share.

The journey starts with 1- Why should I be vulnerable.

Part 2 of this tale - How vulnerability is actually a source of strength.

Part 3 - What to be vulnerable in.

 

What Is And Why Should I be Vulnerable.

 

I can give you the heartfelt speech but how about I give you some research or better yet a researcher.

There has been this one TED talk that has always stuck with me for many years now. It is Brene Brown and she talks about vulnerability. This TED Talk appeared in 2010 with over 36 million views.

It’s a 20 minute video that also has subtitles. I think I’ve shared this TED Talk with so many people. Brene Brown studies human connection. The short end of the story is that she went to research and prove a certain thesis. When the results from her research came back, she basically had a meltdown because she didn’t know what to do.

She didn’t understand what the results were telling her because they went in the complete opposite direction.  

Her TED talk video is so amazing! It’s very humorous, she’s an amazing speaker. She talks about how fear and shame is why we disconnect. However, when she studied people that were the happiest in the world. It was because they were open to being vulnerable and not afraid of being themselves.

They just were themselves, their authentic true self, full of flaws and happier because they saw that their so-called ‘flaws’ were what made them unique and special. It is so good that I highly recommend this video to everyone and anyone. I don’t want to give it all away but I will share a quote from her TED Talks and her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.

Here are Brene Brown TED Talk videos and books

  • Daring Greatly - How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
  • Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts, Oct 9th, 2018 by Brené Brown
  • Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transformations the Way we Live, Love, Parent and Lead
  • The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection and Courage

 

Connection- Vulnerability gives us connection.  

 

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

 

With a quote and research like that, who doesn’t want love, joy, courage, creativity and a sense of belonging! Wooziers! It’s a little mind blowing…

 

Part 2 of this tale - How Vulnerability is Actually a Source of Strength

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” - Brene Brown from her book Daring Greatly.

 

Our imperfect selves is when we get true belonging? I think this is why I LOVE that film the Greatest Showman on Earth. The music, the story-line is amazing and if you need more. It has Hugh Jackman and he’s definitely dreamy in my books. The movie is about an entrepreneur that brought the Circus to life. The Circus that brought the ‘EXTRA’ to ordinary! It’s such a feel good movie.

I confess, I think I’ve seen this film about 10 times. There are so many messages. In fact, I was telling my sister about the film this summer while we were at Santa’s village. Yes, I was at Santa’s Village in the summer, it’s another story for another day. I was telling her that this movie is good for all ages three random girls (I think they were about 13, 15 and 18) jumped in and went on and on about.

They were telling my sister that this movie shows that our weaknesses is actually our strengths, we just need to stop looking at it from that perspective. The 18 year old and I went on and on about this one song ‘THIS IS ME’. My youngest sister has been telling for ages that there are parts of me that will never grow up. I’m stuck in the PG-13 movie genre for the rest of my life and this situation, was totally proving her point.

However, I digress. Back to the song ‘THIS IS ME’ - it was true.. This song seems to have y veins pumping with courage. You know there is always a song that just makes you feel confident, powerful, strong and courageous. This was it for me…

Don’t worry, I’ve got it in the show notes, so you can click and play..

In fact, this song became so popular it became a national anthem for so many groups and people.  

Variety.com listed this song as the Anthem for Outcasts, the bullied, the marginalized, the disfranchised and as the theme of ‘Diversity’ and ‘Me Too’ gains more more traction, we are all starting to see that many of us have felt like outcasts in one way or another. Even CNN did a feature about this.

Indie Wire named this song the ultimate anthem.  The song writers were quoted to say that they  strove to represent “these people who have lived their whole lives in the shadows.” Shadows, we remember that feeling in life.

 

Part 3 - What to be vulnerable in.

 

Now that we know that being vulnerable is such a good thing, what do we want to be vulnerable in? How about just unleashing some new areas of interest. As we get older, our inner giant/ child gets squashed. We only think in terms of practicality, and quickly get to a conclusion that it’s not feasible because we don’t have time, skill or support. We lost our inner child, our ability to be curious.

As 2018 is nearly over and a new year is around the corner, we start thinking about resolutions. What if your resolution was to try something new that you’ve always wanted to try. Mine is to publish a book, I’ve always wanted to write. In fact, my grammar is terrible. My dad fought with my high school English teacher for giving me an ‘A’ in English. However, I do know that it’s not a barrier, there are editors out there that can help me with my areas of weakness and same for anyone.

I have a little worksheet that I prepared and I used it on myself when I was trying to think of my next steps. I had zero clue for what I wanted to try. I think I got used to the same spice rack. I kept making the different dishes with the same spices. Who knew, that I could use different spices (Just to be clear, I’m using spices as a metaphor for tools and techniques).   

I knew I needed to do something different but had no idea what to do. So, I created this for ME. I’m sharing it with all y’all. Why? because it’s hard to feel stuck, hard to see when there is no vision or goal. Because one day, I hope when my nieces and nephew go through this phase that someone will say or provide something that will help them.  No charge, all free. I’m paying it future forward for the future generations.

Take a try, you’ve got nothing to lose but lots to gain. Since, I’ve been quoting movies - All you need is 20 seconds of courage (movie Matt Damon ‘We Bought a Zoo’.  Let me know how it goes. Email me or message me if you get stuck. I’ll help you. I can’t wait to hear about all these new recipes that you’re about to discover.

 

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”

 

Remember - the world needs more people like us. Real people, real struggles, real VICTORIES!!! Just real!

 

Show Note Links:

 

FREE WORKSHEET:  HOW TO GET UNSTUCK!